


And the Plot Went POOF

by Soveliss



Category: Harry Potter - Fandom, Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-23
Updated: 2020-09-23
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:42:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26610844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Soveliss/pseuds/Soveliss
Summary: This will consist of (sporadic) assorted drabbles that probably aren't going anywhere but I found entertaining enough to write/post.





	1. MacGuffin

“Avada Kedavra!” “MacGuffin!”

The great hall of Hogwarts held it’s breath as Voldemort and Harry’s spells collided… and gasped when they disappeared. Voldemort’s lips contorted into a sneer. “A teenage boy cannot possibly defeat me. AVADA KEDAVRA!”

“MacGuffin! MacGuffin! MacGuffin! Nooooo! Why isn’t it working? MacGuffin! MacGuffin! MacGuffin! MAAAAACGUFFFFFFFFIN!!!”

“Ah ha! That’s where we are. Terribly sorry about the mixup. The report said this was the graveyard incident. Now let’s see here… 1 diadem gone, check, 1 forehead dehorcruxed, check, 1 dead snake, check… what’s left… oh yeah! 1 dead Dark Lord. Which one of you is that?”

“AVADA KEDAVRA!”

The curse conveniently passed through the mysterious figure. “Oh. Tom! Your alter ego says hi. Real shame you won’t get to meet him. Funny how things work out like that. Now… what was the incantation again? Oh yeah! *POOF*” The figure disappeared into thin air, leaving the great hall shrouded in silence.

The silence dragged on for several seconds.

“POOF!” exclaimed Molly Weasley, throwing her wand up in the air in exasperation. “That’s our MacGuffin? Poof? POO~OOF?!?!” On the third repetition of the word, a rainbow of colors sparked out her wand midair, bouncing off the tip of Harry’s wand and hitting the Dark Lord smack in the little toe. He froze in place, and then fell to the floor with a lifeless look of horror immortalized in his face.

“It would appear that the MacGuffin was indeed Poof, Molly” said Severus. “Maybe this will teach you to respect arbitrary plot decisions!”

“Hear, hear!” proclaimed Harry from where he was being paraded by Crabbe and Goyle.


	2. Chapter 2

*Incendio* Harry whispered. To his delight, Malfoy’s countenance deteriorated, cauldron bubbling furiously, as the class went on. At the end of the period, Snape’s routine potion observations began.

“Typical, Longbottom. Except for the surviving cauldron. That’ll be… 5 points to Gryffindor for survival instincts. Scram. Now, what’s this? Why it looks like Malfoy here has made a perfect…” He paused, and swallowed. “Gold Amortentia. Truly astounding, considering Amortentia is pink. Fifty points to Slytherin for creative ingenuity.”

Harry would later discover that cauldron temperature changed nothing but the color of the brew - in fact, you didn’t even need a flame at all! Furthermore, the cauldron itself determined the taste - smell and effects still appeared to be derived from the ingredients and process, despite all Harry’s attempts to isolate something else. In fact, Harry managed, in the course of these experiments, to make new (patented in all outrageous neon colors) “bubblegum” flavored versions of most medical potions. Ceramic pots from Little Whinging’s garden center did the trick. The ones from the Hogwarts greenhouses imparted the taste of lemon drops, to Harry’s everlasting horror.

Petunia was later horrified to discover the results of some early experiments when her magnolias started growing honest-to-goodness translucent bones in their leaves! Don’t try skele-grow at home, kids.

* * *

George returned to his shop, sullen, after the defeat of Voldemort, and walked straight into the biggest mess he'd ever seen. It was honestly quite impressive - even he and Fred might've struggled to match it. A tentative smile reached across his face, until he saw the culprit putting the finishing touches on the goofiest display stand in the store.

"Well, how's it look?"

"Harry."

"I know, we talked about this. Still your shop. But honestly, I can't have my new neighbors embarrassing my shop." George's eyes widened. "Yep! Potter's Potions opens next week!"

"Oh good. I wouldn't have stood for anyone mature mucking up the Alley this soon."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This started as Harry pranking Draco with ice, fire, ice, etc... but then I decided that potions was decidedly too finicky for my liking.  
> Also, garden pots have holes in the bottom for drainage, but it's honestly a plot hole I can't be bothered to fix.

**Author's Note:**

> I was trying to think of different spells Harry could've used here in canon that would've fit, but then this came to mind and it was just too funny.


End file.
